And then sometimes you are happy, for no apparent reason, Actually, the reason is that you are finally at peace with your soul. Your days may be long and shitty sometimes, and you want to run your boss over with a heavy duty 72-seater bus, yeah you know you have had those thoughts as well. But you have something to look forward to at the end of the day – Like a nice hot shower after being drenched HEAVILY in Nairobi rains, like that call at the end of the day that lets you know he loves you or maybe a nice warm meal at lunchtime that fills your tummy and you feel bored on a work afternoon so you have to blog to look busy. *hides*
Little joys in life,like a nice long weekend, just the two of you, doing nothing but watching movies, chatting about silly things and laughing at jokes that only the two of you get, Little joys like a nice loving cup of Cold Stone Ice Cream, sleeping in freshly washed sheets, or curling up with a true classic or hearing your favorite song on the radio or leaning the release date for Empire Season Two. And then when you find you happiness, you should do everything to not let it go. I have found my happiness, or as the Characters in Once Upon A Time would say it, my happy ending. Which for now works for me, i don’t know how long it will last, (is forever too long to ask?) but for now it is all i have and i will bask in it.
See we spend so much time worrying about things beyond our control, spend so much time tying to plant the roses, we have no time to watch them smell them. I get it, there is more to worry about that there is to celebrate, but i mean..
When you find happiness, you will know it..you will taste it, you will feel it with every part of your body, you will feel it with your eyes when you look at him, and when he smiles at you, and when he holds your hand so tightly you think it will evaporate into his…When it’s real, you just know it. Dammit, what is happening to me?
Anyway, Live, laugh and love…That is actually a mantra, that I am choosing to live by.
To finding happy places ,falling in love and little joys…
This has never been truer.
When you are a book junkie, like myself and you hear a new book is out, you are dying to find out what all the fuss is about. Me picking up a copy of J’lo’s True Love was no different. there was a lot of talk and chatter about it being a tell-all trashing all her previous relationships and exes and telling us things we shouldn’t really know about. That dream lasted only 3 seconds because the book is not at all a tell-all. See what I did there? 🙂
The book is amazing and is beautifully written. It basically about JLo taking the reader along with her on her journey to self- discovery. She bears herself bare and lets the reader into her very soul, and all the things she went through. It really isn’t as trashy as i secretly hoped it would be, but it is a wonderful read, which i completed in one sitting.
Behind the makeup, and the fame and the glamour, she is just a woman who has this deep profound believe in true love and she truly believes is out there, somewhere. She is human, just like us. With feelings, deep deep feelings. The book also takes us on a journey of self love, and learning to love yourself and only then will you truly and completely love another person. She tells stories of how she faced her greatest challenges, faced her greatest fears and emerged as a stronger person, the kind that would inspire anyone to face their demons. True love is a heartfelt story with memorable recollections of her journey. And the fact that is has amazing photos only makes it an even more excellent read.
I enjoyed this book thoroughly, and I wish her all the love in the world.
Reader be warned : I am about to vent, and some it might not be pretty. Reader discretion is advised.
So life happens, no, shit happens. People take advantage of your good soul and kind spirit and then they fuck you over – excuse my french. – You look back at the person that twisted the knife in your back and you really can’t see why they did it. I chose to believe the best about people, and I am too good for my own good,and that, is my fatal flaw. And when I realized i had been had, i could not cry about what had happened, I just sat there is utter disbelief, laughed about how stupid i was not to have seen it coming. See I have a coping mechnism that has served me well over the years. I will shout, throw around a few things, possibly break some, display a range of emotions then I will laugh. Then i realized that worrying is pointless. It wont fix anything, nothing. I love myself too much to torture my brain with the What Ifs, and maybes. I just refuse to. I can only laugh and vow to my self never to be so stupid again. Not to just look left and right before crossing the road, but to look left thrice and right four times then cross the road very very slowly.
I will not sit here and pretend to be some strong person, I do that some times..convince myself that my tears are too good to stream down my face. I am not bitter, I am not hurt, I am mad as hell. But then I remember that there is a nice bottle of Whiskey stashed away for times like these, and that thought at least warms my soul. So tonight will be, I will lock myself up in my room, listen to Keith Urban’s saddest songs, mope around for a little bit and feel sorry for myself,Then I will drift off to sleep. Then tomorrow I will wake up If the good Lord wills it and take a cold shower, get dressed put on my lipstick a little too bright and face the day, because that is the kind of person I am. And then on to the next one.
And I might never forget this day for a while. The day I truly realized that people are not what they seem, but in the best way possible. So there is this guy, and his behavior had led me to form certain conclusions about him, and some of those conclusions I will not be bothered to share…Anyhu, so one day I am going home, it was well towards 7 pm and it was sorta dark. So I am waiting at the stage for a bus to ride home, then my phone rings. And as I rummage through my bag looking for it, I realize that I don’t have my wallet with me. So I answer my call, and get back to looking for my wallet. Can’t find it. Must have left it on my desk. Bloody hell. What now? So I am standing there, with a damsel in distress vibe going on. A very distressed damsel. How the hell am I supposed to get home? I have no money, except twenty bob which really can’t get me very far.
So then he drives up, in his nice car, all nice and heroic and with that smile, that devilish grin. I recognize that car, I had seen him drive to work before. How knew to use that particular route home I will never understand. So he asks to drive me home, and in a split second I weigh my options. Who am I kidding, it would take a while before I found any means to go home, and here was a nice comfortable car beckoning to drive me home. So I took a leap of faith and settle into the passenger seat and secured my seat belt.
I don’t know what I was expecting, but whatever it was, it didn’t happen. So he drove, and we talked, about this and that and laughed about this and the other thing. Either he is a very good actor, or I had just never experienced that side of him before or maybe he had to be nice because he would see me at work the next day…For whatever reason, it turned out not to be the ride from hell. It was quite nice, and I actually learnt a few things that will stay with me for a while. So he dropped me at my very doorstep, made sure I was safely inside the four walls of my house and he drove off, into the darkness. You know sometimes when you have a conversation with someone, and then something they say just stays with you? He talked about redemption and the little intricacies of life that you just never really think about. Like how God makes everything perfect in his own time. And it got me thinking, but oh well… Story for another day. Note to self, what people seem to be, and what they really are are two very different things.
So lately i have been on a reading streak. I will read anything and everything. Growing up, I had a nerdy vibe going on. i loved my books and i would make my mum buy me a new story book as often as she could. And when she forgot, I would kick and scream and literally drag her to the book store where we wouldn’t leave until my heart was satisfied. I would get totally absorbed and get lost in the characters and become one with the story being told. And nothing made me happier.
‘ Those who cannot travel the world read books’ someone (who I can’t quite remember at the moment) said. If that is true by any measure, i might as well have traversed the world. Through books, I have been to Russia, to the coldest ends of the world, to blazing deserts and and in the very minds of Serial killers. And I have enjoyed it,thoroughly. See the beauty about books, is that you create for yourself the scenes as you read them, and the characters come alive in your head. Every single moment I have to spare, I would rather be getting lost in a book than doing anything else. I am the girl who will chose to stay in on a Friday night, pull out a good book, brew me a mug of black tea or pour a glass of wine and read the night away.
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho was my latest read. I stole a few minutes of my lunch break today and finished it off. Any my, it is a wonderful book. It has an after taste though. It is the kind of book that stays with you and refuses to go. It tells the story of a shepherd boy in search of a treasure, and he sees and experiences many life-changing circumstances, including an encounter with the Alchemist – a man who can turn ordinary metals into cold hard gold- himself. Anyone would enjoy this book, it has just the right amount of pull to keep you glued.
One of my favorite lines,
“Everyone believes the world’s greatest lie…” says the mysterious old man.
“What is the world’s greatest lie?” the little boy asks.The old man replies, “It’s this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what’s happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That’s the world’s greatest lie.” Word.
When you do come across this one, grab it. Literally. The Alchemist really is a wonderful read. Now, on to the next one.
I’ll just leave this one here,
“Everything that happens once can never happen again. But everything that happens twice will surely happen a third time.” – Paulo Coelho – The Alchemist.
So read, there is a whole other world out there to be discovered.
I was thinking, ‘I’ll be fifty someday’, well that’s a scary thought which I want to document. Where will I be? What will I look like? What will I have accomplished by then? So many questions!, but I am like that, I suppose, I question things…because i want to understand, and this a blessing and a curse all wrapped up in one sentence. My questions have gotten me some things and lost me others. See people don’t like questions, they do not like their actions or motives questioned. Yes, so, Fifty years old someday. I will be a wife to someone,the adjective to be placed before wife will be clearly a matter of opinion,but I like to think i will make a spectacular wife to some lucky chap, a mother to beautiful twins ( Lord, I hope you are listening) and maybe i will finally drive that Audi Q7 that I obsess over, but I figure by then the Germans will have made some other exciting car for me to ogle at. I love cars, and especially German models,its a thing. Anyhow,yes, I will be fifty someday, if the good Lord wills it. I will be so many things to so many people, but the one thing i know i want to be at that age is happy and content. Yes,happiness is a long term goal for me, right at the top of my achievement list. Because it’s one thing to have all the things that money can buy, and an entirely other thing to be happy enough to enjoy them. I do not necessarily want to live very long, but I want to enjoy every second of my life. I wanna travel and see the world, Big Ben, I will see you some day. I will write a book, not sure about what yet, but I will. I really will not get into my bucket list, cause there is some crazy shit on that list. Haha. I live for the little stuff, in life, like that incredible after rain smell,ice cream on a hot day,a long phone conversation with someone special in the middle of the night about nothing in particular, whiskey on the rocks, getting lost in the thrills of a good book, listening to the rain, forehead kisses, aquariums and singing aloud to my favorite country songs. Happiness is a thing people should strive to achieve, because all you have worked for could all but vanish in 5 seconds, life is incredibly short, like really. Don’t get me wrong – work, chase that paper, be part of the great rat race that life is and collect your millions, just don’t get lost in it. Do enjoy the time you have on God’s good earth, because one thing we know for certain, is that the future is uncertain.
I was just thinking aloud, really.